Monday, 16 August 2010


I don’t know about you but when I was younger my summer jobs generally involved pulling pints at the local, doing some painting and decorating and, for two joyous months, packing boxes at the Boots factory in Nottingham. Proving that it’s all about who you know rather than what you know, a young chap called Nick Clegg has landed the mother of all summer jobs by being made Prime Minister for two weeks while the boss is stuck at home waiting for the builders to arrive with his new kitchen.

As this government is all about being open and transparent and big society-y, the Cleggmeister is kicking off his fortnight in charge of the shop by taking questions from the public, via the modern interweb. Apparently still beaming with pride after the whole
#nickcleggsfault meme from back in the heady days of Cleggmania, the acting PM (who as No 10 are keen to point out is NOT acting PM, "the PM is always in charge, Clegg is just some guy we hired for the summer") have asked people to supply questions via Twitter, using the hashtag #asknickclegg.

Unfortunately the pesky denizens of the internet have failed to realise that this is a very important and grown-up exercise in democratic engagement, and are instead bombarding the not-acting-PM with questions such as:

Melonhead999: How do you keep your hair so soft and silky looking, what's your secret?

Irondanimal: How much weight has Dave gained since taking office?

humphreycushion: Why did the old woman swallow a fly?

Surells: When are you going to kill David Cameron and stage a coup?*

Albatross129: Are the rumours true?

Scalded_Bollock: Just how much of a twat is George Osborne? I mean, obviously he's a twat, but on a scale of one to 10?

Mount_st_nobody: Is it as painful as it looks?

And so forth, although oddly enough the moderator doesn’t seem to be putting these to him, instead sticking to ones about foreign aid and reducing the national debt and the provision of low-cost housing and blah blah blah snore... Though of course they did find time to ask the "What's your favourite biscuit" one, thus confirming that Britain's political leaders now live in fear of incurring the wrath of the Mumsnet empire.

Mind you, seasoned Clegg-watchers already knew that his biscuit of choice is a Rich Tea (when dunked) and a HobNob (when not dunked). At least he hasn't abandoned ALL of his pre-coalition principles...

*Never, silly, that would be like Eric killing Ernie, or Guilbert throwing Sulivan into the swirling propellers of the HMS Pinafore.

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