My Daily Mail job application

In case you haven't heard already, the Daily Mail is advertising for trainee reporters. Everyone else seems to having a huge amount of fun writing detailed applications explaining exactly why they should be the "lucky" candidate who gets such a job, so I thought I'd join in. But I was a bit rushed for time, so I kept it brief:

Dear Daily Mail,

I hate immigrants, gays, Facebook and life itself. Please can I have a job?

Lots of love,

Primly.

That's well inside the 200-word limit, so I think I'm in with a good chance.